So why did James die and Peter receive deliverance? From my point of view, it makes no sense. I wish I could move on to something more profound and demonstrate the answer. Honestly, I have no clue. I accept that God knew what he was doing. I accept that somehow James' martyrdom was better for the kingdom than his deliverance. I accept that Peter went on to great works and was saved for that. But if I am James or James' wife or James' children, the whole thing looks unfair.
I know that fair and equal are not the same. At least I know that on a good day. Yet my heart often doesn't listen to my head and in my heart the word "unfair" screams out at me. It does the same thing when I see privilege and blessings go to some people that have not worked as hard as I have or when a plan does not work out for me while it does for someone else. Usually what is at stake is my pride and personal desires, not the kingdom. I've learned that when my pride gets injured I can put together really good sounding arguments but I know inside that they are just a smokescreen for the pain.
The truth is that I don't have the right to scream unfair about life. I was born into middle class educated America. I sit this morning in my home and will soon depart for a good job. I have four healthy, wonderful children and an amazing wife. I do not have any major illnesses. It is only a small percentage of the world that can claim any of those blessings. They all look at me, at my blessings, at my privileges and scream "unfair". And they are right.
An old professor used to tease our class and wrap up different discussions with the remark of "Well, that is part of the job description of being God; you get to make up the rules as you go and are not limited." So I'll sit here this morning in my blessings and try to shape my heart to where it is grateful under any circumstance. I'll use the words of Job as my own and try to see my life the way others do. Job 2:10, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?"
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